well, maybe. depends if the cause is envoronmental or clinical. either way there seems no end in sight. but i will take one tiny tolerant step today i hope & actually get my blood taken, prepare for the bang when hopefully shit will get dealt with.
just write, but dont forget the full stops. why do i get drawn into other people's fantasies? why do people lie? it is a mystery to me, the way people move through the world, the way they relate. am i really that fucken stupid? or naive? i get told no but the end result remains the same. me. here. alone. why do i let the glimmers in? cos i have to? the middle way does not exist or if it does it is notoriously hard to find. and wot about that little editor that sits on my shoulder. he's happy to give advice unsolicited but where is he wen i need him? where is he when i am going one step too far on my own? fucking cock sucking cunt. & yes i know my insults make no logical sense, & will prolly come back to bite me in the tender parts - like everything else of myself that i try to put out there but fuck off to that too. i am soooo lost at the moment. hiding does not hold the satisfaction it used to but then reaching out makes me feel more shitty than ever before. well ever since adolescence.
wow, now there's a paragraph, thanks flow.
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