ok i know its my paranoia, but that doesn't stop it hurting. i am sick of being led to the water, talked into how good drinking is then having the plug pulled and watch as EVERYTHING runs away. openess gets you nowhere, so does hiding so im baffled as to wot the answer is. self harm & self destructive behaviour feels so good but it is intrinsically negative, but wot is the answer for growth? how does anybody move forward? how do others do it?
unreachable but very visible.
living my life to this formula sucks the big one.
and suddenly its not the apocalypse so i'm left with preparations and too much adrenalin, nowhere to hide when i'm in the moment, bodyscanning like a scientist, like there's no tomorrow. but tomorrow needs to be prepared for because now is not how i want to be.
aaaahhhhhh!
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